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Coping with Pet oss

by Robin Grey - Sheldon Press, 2006, ISBN  0 85969 962 5

Reviewed by Susan Elisa Dawson, counsellor, SCAS member and doctoral research fellow, Manchester Metropolitan University

Robin Grey presents a comprehensive, competent and very readable text on companion animal loss. Primarily I felt that this book was aimed at those experiencing loss themselves, although equally this could have applied use for therapists in practice. Grey's book is not written as an academic text, but as an accessible guide through the complexities of human emotional responses to companion animal loss.

The book opens with a portrait of the landscape that companion animal loss inhabits. This introduction highlights the uniqueness of each loss experience, validating this as a stressful and significant event in the lives of people. Grey also acknowledges that companion animal death can serve to reconnect us with our cultural and religious heritage. He presents an expanded notion of the concept of loss identifying different causes, through terminal illness, accident, theft, abandonment and old age. Importantly Grey emphasises that the loss of a pet can be harder to cope with at times when we are feeling more vulnerable ourselves, recognising the mosaics of loss that people's individual lives are composed from. Companion animal loss does not occur in a vacuum, but within the wider context of an individual's personal and social life; Grey identifies that these contexts shape the loss experience.

The importance of psychological representations of pets, which Grey identifies for some people as surrogate human family members, is also highlighted as significant in understanding human emotions to pet loss.

As a former veterinary nurse and the wife of a veterinary surgeon I was interested to see Grey's inclusion of the impact of pet loss on wider communities, particularly the impact on the veterinary profession. Grey quotes from a recent study in The Veterinary Record which identified veterinary surgeons as having a suicide rate that is four times the national average. Interestingly responsibility for the euthanasia of animals is cited as being a possible cause of this. Grey in turn hopes that his book may help relieve some stress among vets as well as among pet owners (Grey 2006, p.3).

The book is divided into chapters that explore different facets of companion animal loss, with the exception Chapter One which presents an overview of the human-companion animal bond. Essentially Grey highlights the historical construction of this bond, locating some of the reciprocal dependencies people and pets have shared throughout the ages.  Referring to psychiatrist John Bowlby's work on attachment Grey begins to introduce the concept of loss and grief. The significance of attachment is discussed as well as factors that strengthen human-animal bonds. The therapeutic consequences of human-animal interactions and attachment are outlined before Grey introduces the idea of human acceptance of the fact that the majority of our companion animals' lives will be a fifth of our own. In this way he introduces the notion of anticipatory grief and mourning based on this acceptance. The demographic influences on companion animal ownership are also discussed in this chapter.

The sensitive issue of euthanasia is tackled early on in this book and given that the majority of companion animals, particularly dogs, will die as a result of euthanasia, I applaud this location. Grey, rightly, I believe focuses on the difficulty of making the decision to end the life of a pet.

The euthanasia decision-making process is fraught with ethical dilemmas and issues of personal responsibility. The lived experience of this difficulty is illuminated well in Grey's presentation of the case study of Sally and Lucky, her cat, highlighting the experience of self-doubt. This is juxtaposed with a section on natural death followed by the role of pet crematoria in enabling mourning, validating the importance of the life and death of a companion animal and providing a much needed ritual for remembrance.

Chapter three is titled The Impact on You and provides an important space for working through the popular knowledge the myths about pet loss -dispelling these and replacing them instead with information that can inform a new understanding of personal lived experience. Although as a practitioner and as an academic I am uncomfortable with the notion of Stages of Loss, I felt Grey's presentation provided an important anchorage for self-validation of the feelings a reader of this book may be experiencing in relation to the loss of their pet. This in turn validates these feelings, normalises them and could go a long way to reassuring an individual their feelings are not disproportionate but are the normal accepted transitions of grief.

Chapter four is a particularly strong and well-written chapter within the book which focuses on children and pet loss. Tasks for parents/carers are outlined as:

1. explaining how and why the pet has died
2. explaining what has happened to the body
3. supporting distress
4. putting the loss into some kind of perspective

Developmental considerations are highlighted within each of the task areas, followed by a detailed and expanded developmental account of children and young people's reactions to companion animal loss. As a practitioner specialising in clinical work with children and young people I was appreciative of Grey's inclusion of a section on environmental influences and their shaping of children and young people's experiences.

Again, lived experience is honoured by the presentation of two case studies. Complicated grief is also explained within this chapter with examples of specific contexts. Importantly young adults' experiences are not overlooked but are also included in this thorough section.

Chapter five looks at missing pets and illuminates specific contexts including pet theft. Grey provides excellent, practical steps that owners/caregivers can follow if they fear their pet has gone missing or has been stolen. The issue of feelings of guilt in relation to lost and stolen pets is also covered in this chapter.

Chapter six is a particularly interesting chapter. The title is Accepting Loss and Grief a notion as a therapist I am resistant to, preferring to use the term accommodating in recognition that for some of us, acceptance is not always possible or desirable. However, my position made clear, this chapter presents a sensitive exploration of the journey to acceptance/accommodation of loss. Meaning-making is highlighted as being an important part of this process and an essential part of this is the telling and re-telling of personal stories about the human-companion animal bond and/or loss event itself. I would add to this continued talk of the deceased/lost pet is also very important for some individuals to maintain a continuing bond.

The section on animal PSImakes interesting and compelling reading for all of us who have shared that knowing beyond knowing and communicating without words with our pets. The section that follows looks at people with learning disabilities, which I felt deserved a chapter of its own in the way that children and young people were presented. While bullet points illuminating useful strategies for helping people with a learning disability in their experience of pet loss is presented, I would have welcomed the inclusion of case studies here to honour the lived experience and illuminate specific issues more deeply.

A whole chapter is dedicated to Pet Loss and Later Years (Chapter seven), a chapter of particular interest to me, given a recent research study I was involved in, investigating pet loss and older people. Possible psychological representations of pets in the lives of older people are highlighted and their significance is expanded in terms of the scientifically proven health benefits of companion animal ownership.

The heartbreaking issue of moving into residential care is rightly included in this section, highlighting a very important area for future continued policy development to enable older people to take their pets into residential/nursing homes. Grey includes recognition of the important role Pets as Therapy play within the specific context of visiting residential and nursing homes providing continued possibilities for interaction with animals for elderly residents.

Chapter eight tackles a much overlooked area, that of the loss of a service dog. The nature of this bond is discussed as well as the important issue of dogs retiring from service, how to prepare for this and start the process again with a new dog. This short chapter touches on many crucial issues of concern specific to this type of loss, which has often in the past been further disenfranchised in being overlooked.

Chapter nine is dedicated to Remembering a Pet and for me presented a clear picture of the importance and role of the maintenance of a continuing bond between owner and deceased pet. Ways of remembering are briefly discussed with some historical examples including Greyfriars Bobby highlighting how pets can also grieve for their owners.

Chapter ten looks at the difficult issue of Deciding about another pet, presenting a useful set of questions that a caregiver/owner can ask of themselves when considering getting another pet. A case study of Alice a 78 year old female whose Persian cat, Portia, had to be euthanased following diagnosis of feline leukaemia, illustrates how feelings of ambivalence, initial resentment to a new cat, Bonny, subsided into a new, different bond that did not replace Portia but gave Alice new experiences and happiness.

Grey's conclusion echoes my own ontology regarding grief Coping with any loss requires a period of psychological adjustment (Grey 2006, p.95). The human importance of the loss of a pet is succinctly summarised Losing a pet that has been a part of our life can make us feel that we have lost a part of our own history through shared experiences and memories and it is just that, our pets are a part of our individual and collective histories. Their lives and their deaths make indelible marks in our lives.

This is an important book that is easy to read and will be a source of knowledge, information and inspiration to those of us who are currently grieving the loss of a pet, facing that experience or supporting others through the transition.