A SCAS Guide to Navigating Grief
Losing a beloved animal companion is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences a person can go through. They are cherished family members, providing unconditional love, companionship, and joy. When they pass away, the grief can be profound and deeply felt. This article aims to help those who are mourning the loss of a pet by offering insights into the grieving process and providing practical advice on how to cope.
The Grieving Process
Grief is a natural response to loss, and it encompasses a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. The grieving process is unique to each individual, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people may find solace in sharing memories and talking about their pet, while others may prefer to grieve privately.
It can be described as a Cycle, or of having Phases to be worked through.
Denial
The initial phase of grief often includes denial. It can be difficult to accept that a pet is gone, and this stage may involve shock and disbelief. It's important to allow oneself to feel these emotions and not rush the process.
Sadness
A deep, overwhelming sadness with a painful emptiness. It can help to have a good cry and not keep trying to repress feelings. Be aware that friends and colleagues who have never been bonded to an animal may make remarks they think are helpful, but which are very hurtful. For example, “It was only a cat, get over it”, or “Just get another dog”. Try not to let such remarks upset you. These people have never known the joy of a human animal bond relationship. SCAS has produced pet bereavement guidance for workplaces – free to download from our website.
Anger
Anger is a common stage of grief, and it can be directed towards oneself, others, or even the pet for leaving. Understanding that this anger is a natural part of grieving can help in processing these feelings.
Bargaining
During the bargaining phase, individuals may find themselves dwelling on "what if" and “if only” scenarios, wishing they could go back in time and change the outcome. This is a way of trying to regain a sense of control over the situation.
Depression
Depression is often the longest and most challenging stage of grief. It may involve feelings of deep sadness, loneliness, and emptiness. Finding support from friends, family, or a counsellor can be crucial during this time.
Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean forgetting the pet or moving on completely. Instead, it involves coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to live life without the physical presence of the pet. This stage may bring a sense of peace and cherished memories.
Coping Strategies
Everyone copes with loss differently, and finding effective ways to navigate grief is essential. Here are some strategies that may be helpful:
Talking About Your Pet
Sharing stories and memories about your pet can be a cathartic experience. This can be done with friends, family, or support groups. Verbalizing your feelings can aid in processing the grief.
Creating a Memorial
Creating a memorial for your pet can be a meaningful way to honour their memory. This could be a photo album, a garden, or even a simple keepsake. Some people memorialise their companions by writing their life story, a poem about them, or by painting them. A donation to an animal charity is another way to continue their legacy.
Supporting Children
For many children the loss of a family pet is their first experience of death. Great care is needed in supporting children, and we recommend you to access the free online SCAS resources about this. Children especially usually like to memorialise their pets. Making a shrine near a pet grave using natural materials found on visits to e.g. beaches or forests is a good activity, helping children to cope. Allow children plenty of opportunities to talk about their pets in the months following loss. Parents often mistakenly believe it is best not to discuss the pet for fear of causing distress. However, our experience is that when parents stay silent on the issue, children tend to think that the parent didn’t care about the pet, and only they, the child missed the pet and is grief stricken. The Rainbow Bridge is a popular way to think of pets in the afterlife, and children will often want to draw a picture of their pet crossing the rainbow. All these suggestions provide a tangible way to remember the joy they brought into your life.
Participating in Rituals
Rituals such as lighting a candle, holding a ceremony, or even writing a letter to your pet can provide a sense of closure. There is a candle ceremony every Monday evening at 7pm. A ceremony or a wake can be arranged around this. Friends can be invited round to share fond memories of the pet, and of other pets that have passed. People who live far away, including abroad, can also participate by lighting a candle at that time. We recommend using electric candles in the presence of children. These actions can help in acknowledging the loss and expressing emotions.
Taking Care of Yourself
Self-care is especially important during times of grief. Ensuring you get enough sleep, eat well, and engage in activities you enjoy can help in maintaining your well-being.
Connecting with Others
Connecting with others who have experienced pet loss can provide a sense of community and understanding.
Seeking Support
If the grief feels overwhelming, seek help from your GP or a professional counsellor or therapist who specializes in pet loss. They can offer support and techniques to manage the emotions that come with loss. The journal Psychology Today maintains an online list of accredited therapist and counsellors, with information about their qualifications, areas of expertise and whether they offer in person or online consultations. It has been our experience that pet bereavement support is very helpful.
Moving Forward
Moving forward after the loss of a pet does not mean forgetting them. It means finding a way to integrate their memory into your life and continuing to cherish the moments you had together.
Finding New Purpose
Sometimes, channelling your love for your pet into new activities can be healing. Volunteering at animal shelters, adopting a new pet when you feel ready, or supporting pet-related charities can create a positive outlet for your feelings.
Living with Memories
Keeping your pet's memory alive through photos, stories, and commemorative items can provide comfort. It's perfectly natural to continue to feel a connection to your pet long after they're gone.
Conclusion
Pet loss is a deeply personal and challenging experience, but it is also an opportunity to reflect on the love and joy that pets bring into our lives. By understanding the grieving process and finding ways to cope, individuals can navigate their grief and honour the memory of their beloved pets. Remember, grieving is a journey, and it takes the time needed to heal.
SCAS has produced pet bereavement resources which are free to download here.